"It was hell," he says plainly, looking past her, over her shoulder. "If I'm very honest. When Jesus talks about having two different points in his life, the before and the after, that's - that's something I understand. Only the world didn't change suddenly, I changed suddenly. But there was the before, when I was a child who liked to eat apples and was chased by old women away from the berry vines, and the after, when I would follow the soldiers of war, picking off the ones who wouldn't make it and hating the world and everyone in it."