"To protect my people. Because he was a child trafficker who had seen my face. And then I was fighting a war." So many reasons, but all rooted more or less in self-defense or defense of others.
She's watching him, not that she's entirely unconcerned with the answer itself, but the truth of the matter is that no one trying to hide something is going to just admit to it outright. The tells are still there.
Her arms stay folded. She shrugs.
"You can. Normally it would be people we found out on the road though, who would want to join us instead of the other way around."
"If you just walked up to me on a beach like this and started talking? No."
But in their world he'd know that, would know how suspicious this is. Only the dishonest, the desperate, or the naive would try and it would be fairly obvious which he was at the outset.
"If I could see who your people were? If I'd just seen you do something I need? Maybe. But I'm not sure how honest you're being with me, and I'm not desperate enough to risk it."
He considers that. Yeah that's about how he expects it would go, if zombies took over his world: the wolves would really be on their own. No human would ever trust them.
"Well the nice thing about being on the Barge is I have no reason to lie to you. Do you still feel like you need to be desperate to forge connections here?"
"Her name was Violet. And she was my pack's girl." And it's a long story. "She had the ability to control me--my instincts. It was like being under a spell. I killed her to free myself."
It's a long story, and not one she necessarily feels entitled to right out of the gates; she just nods.
"That's what I've learned: people who kill easily, who accept it as a solution, their first one was still out of fear or desperation. Anyone that just... did it is a psychopath."
"That makes sense." A pause. "People have accused me of sociopathy. Just so you know. But I don't know if I agree with them. I think I feel things just fine, when I choose to."
Liar she wants to snap at him, but she doesn't. Just barely, but she doesn't. She does stare at him, long and silent, until admitting that "We need the bad shit, so we know how good the good shit is."
"That's what they say," he says, though he's not sure he agrees fully with it. "I really do think it's more about what we choose to learn from the pain. It's just suffering if you don't use it."
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She leaves it for now with a shake of her head.
"How many people have you killed?"
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"Seventy-two."
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She considers him a moment, dark eyes narrowed.
"Why?" Not a frivolous question, but the final one.
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"Do I get to ask these questions back at you?"
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Her arms stay folded. She shrugs.
"You can. Normally it would be people we found out on the road though, who would want to join us instead of the other way around."
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But in their world he'd know that, would know how suspicious this is. Only the dishonest, the desperate, or the naive would try and it would be fairly obvious which he was at the outset.
"If I could see who your people were? If I'd just seen you do something I need? Maybe. But I'm not sure how honest you're being with me, and I'm not desperate enough to risk it."
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"Well the nice thing about being on the Barge is I have no reason to lie to you. Do you still feel like you need to be desperate to forge connections here?"
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Her voice twists bitter, sends wisps and faint curls of smoke dissipating into the air around her. She breathes out and forces her tone smooth again.
"I feel like I'm not desperate, so I don't have to form connections here."
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She's been too desperate for too long to disparage it altogether, but her problems - as Alexandria had proven - are not solved by safe haven alone.
"Who was the first person you killed?"
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"That's what I've learned: people who kill easily, who accept it as a solution, their first one was still out of fear or desperation. Anyone that just... did it is a psychopath."
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She's had her eye on him from day one. He feels familiar, and she suspects she knows why.
"Would you choose to when it's not a comfortable feeling?"
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"Yes," he says, hesitantly. "Because I think I could learn from it. Learn to be better, so I don't have taht feeling again."
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