"No, of course not. And trusting that it isn't going to be taken away at a moment's notice is hard. So - maybe that's what we can work on together?" he suggests gently.
"It takes as long as it will take. You've had years to learn to believe one way. Why do you think relearning the opposite will be so simple?" he wonders.
"I don't, either," he tells her honestly. "But I have hope enough for both of us. I have faith enough for both of us. And when you falter, I will be here to remind you of it. Right now, you are low. And that's alright."
It's so foreign to her, this concept that people can actually love each other enough to compensate when one isn't perfect; that caring about them holds even when it becomes hard, even problematic.
Well, she knows she did. Glenn and Maggie did. She never found anyone else, though, but maybe she just wasn't good enough. That's the thought she keeps coming back to: if she'd been good enough to love the way Glenn loved Maggie, the way Godric loves Jesus, then it would have happened. Instead -
Godric says her name and she shakes her head to clear it, but barely hears what else he said. "Did he really agree to go back with you?"
He turns and walks into his kitchen, bringing out a key. "I want you to have this. It's the key to this cabin. If you want a place to go during the day or night, you can let yourself in. No questions asked. Unless you're - hurt. You can use the kitchens, my bathroom and shower - whatever you need."
If she's hurt, she'll stitch herself up; if she's injured, she'll make bandages from her clothes, boil water to wash them in, and bind her own wounds. This is what she has done, largely, since the world ended.
She runs her thumb along the teeth of the key, not yet closing her fingers.
"Archer and Jesus come and go too," she points out.
"They do. Archer less so when I'm not around. Eric, too, but also not unless I'm around." He's always prowling for something or other.
He knows that might make the deal a little different, but he wants to give her this trust. Someone he isn't bound to. Someone he isn't romantic with. Someone who is just as important as the three people they've named.
"Or," she counters, a firm note of warning in her voice, "Don't tease me with something I might not be able to have. Take the key back. Give it to me when the people that are already most important to you don't have a problem with it."
"Don't fucking do that." She'd been waffling before, but now she turns and tosses the key onto the table, slides her arm through the other strap of the pack and starts for the door.
"I know I'm a mess, and I know you're trying, and I know - don't do that. Don't say shit you think I want to hear.
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She shrugs.
"It's not dying. It's not living. It's a crossroads."
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"Alright, then what is the crossroads? Where do the other paths lead?"
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"I just also know nothing is guaranteed."
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Thirteen years? She looks away.
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She presses her lips together, feels the way her skin is crawling again, the way she wants to go. Wants to move.
She digs her nails into her elbows.
"I spent nearly two years building up trust with Abraham, and he - that still wasn't enough. I don't know what can be."
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She doesn't know.
"I can see why he loves you," she finally says, quietly.
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"That means a lot to me," he finally says.
"And I'm glad you came here, Rosita. Even if it was hard "
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Well, she knows she did. Glenn and Maggie did. She never found anyone else, though, but maybe she just wasn't good enough. That's the thought she keeps coming back to: if she'd been good enough to love the way Glenn loved Maggie, the way Godric loves Jesus, then it would have happened. Instead -
Godric says her name and she shakes her head to clear it, but barely hears what else he said. "Did he really agree to go back with you?"
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"He did. He was worried about intruding and let me know that he would want to wander, but I like that. I prefer that. I want him to see the world."
He sits forward again.
"I can keep him safe."
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But wanting to? She nods, looks away, nods again.
"Good," she says, softly. "Good." And, unfolding her arms and pushing to her feet, "I need to go."
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He stands up and puts a hand on her arm.
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She puts her hand over his, squeezes, and then picks up her pack. "Somewhere."
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He turns and walks into his kitchen, bringing out a key. "I want you to have this. It's the key to this cabin. If you want a place to go during the day or night, you can let yourself in. No questions asked. Unless you're - hurt. You can use the kitchens, my bathroom and shower - whatever you need."
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She's still guarded though, holding out her hand.
"What do you mean, unless I'm hurt?" she asks, though she thinks she knows. She just needs to be clear.
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"Then I will ask questions. But not many."
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She runs her thumb along the teeth of the key, not yet closing her fingers.
"Archer and Jesus come and go too," she points out.
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He knows that might make the deal a little different, but he wants to give her this trust. Someone he isn't bound to. Someone he isn't romantic with. Someone who is just as important as the three people they've named.
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Her throat feels tight but she holds the key back out to him.
"Clear it with your people."
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"Keep it. I'll let you know when I do and then I don't have to exchange it again."
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"You are no less important to me. And I am asking you to trust this, Rosita. Trust me with this. This task only."
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"Don't fucking do that." She'd been waffling before, but now she turns and tosses the key onto the table, slides her arm through the other strap of the pack and starts for the door.
"I know I'm a mess, and I know you're trying, and I know - don't do that. Don't say shit you think I want to hear.
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