She is absolutely not going to address it, and she in fact ignores that it ever happened.
"Oh well spotted: I have trust issues," she answers, the only warning he gets before she drops her arms.
It won't be long before razor wire starts coiling into existence to one side, strand after strand layering up as she speaks.
"Everyone likes to jump on that the second they think they can like I don't know that about myself, like I don't have a reason for it or like I'm not making a conscious choice. Most people don't deserve to be trusted. People I'll have a conversation with in a hallway don't necessarily deserve to come into my house or learn my name, let alone anything else. Trust is earned, not once, but over and over and over again because at any point most people will only too happily use that, too, to get something they need when it's them or you, so don't stand there and act like it's as simple as how often anyone has trusted anyone else before now."
"The thing is, you can hijack the system. You can tell who wants something good based on how quickly they give something good." A stew instead of something held back for things they want. "You can read what people want based on how fast they give you what you want."
"No, I mean - I want good things. But I don't want anything from you, so the scale is off. Just because a person isn't willing to negotiate with another person doesn't mean they're not good - whatever good even fucking means."
She shakes her head, but at least the razor wire has stopped.
"I think it means you've risked a lot and you haven't been rewarded for it often," he says, kicking shards of glass away. "I think it means you're still willing to risk a lot but god fucking help the person who bets wrong on you."
She doesn't answer right away. In fact seconds keep ticking past and it might seem like she isn't going to answer at all.
She doesn't know he can smell exactly how deep his assessment digs. How hearing it aloud reaches right down inside her and both digs in a still raw, gaping wound but hits steel as well.
"I tend to do," Lark agrees quietly, but he's watching her, watching those reactions. "You haven't given up," is his assessment. "And we should all be glad you haven't."
She doesn't know about that part anyway. Jesus has said she helps the communities be successful, keeps people alive, and she knows she has. She knows she's an asset wherever she is, if people let her be.
Instead of saying any of that what she says is, "If my group found anyone on the road, anyone we were considering letting join us. We had three questions we'd ask them."
She almost waves it off since he's not from her world but then remembers they're here, where she's talking to a werewolf and friendly with a vampire, so why not.
"No, it was a literal Hell we had to fight our way out of. We crash land sometimes, or the ship malfunctions, and we end up stranded." Occupational hazards around here vary.
"To protect my people. Because he was a child trafficker who had seen my face. And then I was fighting a war." So many reasons, but all rooted more or less in self-defense or defense of others.
She's watching him, not that she's entirely unconcerned with the answer itself, but the truth of the matter is that no one trying to hide something is going to just admit to it outright. The tells are still there.
Her arms stay folded. She shrugs.
"You can. Normally it would be people we found out on the road though, who would want to join us instead of the other way around."
"If you just walked up to me on a beach like this and started talking? No."
But in their world he'd know that, would know how suspicious this is. Only the dishonest, the desperate, or the naive would try and it would be fairly obvious which he was at the outset.
"If I could see who your people were? If I'd just seen you do something I need? Maybe. But I'm not sure how honest you're being with me, and I'm not desperate enough to risk it."
He considers that. Yeah that's about how he expects it would go, if zombies took over his world: the wolves would really be on their own. No human would ever trust them.
"Well the nice thing about being on the Barge is I have no reason to lie to you. Do you still feel like you need to be desperate to forge connections here?"
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"Oh well spotted: I have trust issues," she answers, the only warning he gets before she drops her arms.
It won't be long before razor wire starts coiling into existence to one side, strand after strand layering up as she speaks.
"Everyone likes to jump on that the second they think they can like I don't know that about myself, like I don't have a reason for it or like I'm not making a conscious choice. Most people don't deserve to be trusted. People I'll have a conversation with in a hallway don't necessarily deserve to come into my house or learn my name, let alone anything else. Trust is earned, not once, but over and over and over again because at any point most people will only too happily use that, too, to get something they need when it's them or you, so don't stand there and act like it's as simple as how often anyone has trusted anyone else before now."
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"The thing is, you can hijack the system. You can tell who wants something good based on how quickly they give something good." A stew instead of something held back for things they want. "You can read what people want based on how fast they give you what you want."
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"But sure. Let's hear more."
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She shakes her head, but at least the razor wire has stopped.
"Just. Get to the point."
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She sucks the back of her teeth and does not look down or away.
"What do you think it means?"
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She doesn't know he can smell exactly how deep his assessment digs. How hearing it aloud reaches right down inside her and both digs in a still raw, gaping wound but hits steel as well.
She shakes her head.
"You seem to be doing alright."
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Instead of saying any of that what she says is, "If my group found anyone on the road, anyone we were considering letting join us. We had three questions we'd ask them."
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"Ask me," he prompts. See where he lands with them.
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She almost waves it off since he's not from her world but then remembers they're here, where she's talking to a werewolf and friendly with a vampire, so why not.
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"Vacation spot from the Barge?"
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She leaves it for now with a shake of her head.
"How many people have you killed?"
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"Seventy-two."
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She considers him a moment, dark eyes narrowed.
"Why?" Not a frivolous question, but the final one.
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"Do I get to ask these questions back at you?"
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Her arms stay folded. She shrugs.
"You can. Normally it would be people we found out on the road though, who would want to join us instead of the other way around."
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But in their world he'd know that, would know how suspicious this is. Only the dishonest, the desperate, or the naive would try and it would be fairly obvious which he was at the outset.
"If I could see who your people were? If I'd just seen you do something I need? Maybe. But I'm not sure how honest you're being with me, and I'm not desperate enough to risk it."
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"Well the nice thing about being on the Barge is I have no reason to lie to you. Do you still feel like you need to be desperate to forge connections here?"
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Her voice twists bitter, sends wisps and faint curls of smoke dissipating into the air around her. She breathes out and forces her tone smooth again.
"I feel like I'm not desperate, so I don't have to form connections here."
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