"World doesn't care any more about kids in the end than it does anyone else," she says, but the edge has gone, and there's something else troubled there, something she tucks behind the shake of her head. Doesn't matter.
The world is just the world. It doesn't owe anyone anything, doesn't pull any punches for anyone. She catches his eye looking back at her and raises an eyebrow - what about it? - but it's not worth an argument as far as she's concerned. Ellie isn't here. No kids are. No cures are.
She's right. The world doesn't care about any of them, it will just keep spinning. But to him that just sounds like all the more reason to protect each other, protect the people that need it most. Ellie hadn't needed him to be a protector or a father or anything like that- she'd needed a friend. He hopes that he was a good one.
It's easier to talk about the other things, there's no lump in his throat.
"The Arena is a gym, of sorts. Mostly it's a place where we host fights and let people learn how to defend themselves. I manage it. The Eagle- that's my pub. Found it, cleaned it up, made it decent enough for people to enjoy going to. The joke was that it was going to be my retirement project." He grins at her as they walk, "I suppose now it can be."
"Like actually learn how to defend themselves, or just get trounced with some pointers thrown in?" she asks, not out of judgment necessarily, but just out of an awareness that fights go a lot of different ways. Training goes a lot of different ways.
She'll have to send Jesus to look into it. She eyes the grin, lets her eyes trace over his face, finding again the points where she can recognize the much younger man she met before.
Then she rolls her eyes. "Please, you're not retired. Still here, aren't you?"
"That depends on what they need to learn." Jacob says with a broad grin, just the same as it was when he was a young man getting into fights as the only way he knew to let off steam, the only thing he felt he was good at. Now he's older, his job is to train people to be assassins, to protect others to protect themselves.
He tries not to think of the students he's failed, but his smile does drop visibly and he looks away from her, through the trees.
"Here it's difficult to know what's coming. Kidnappers or dragons, a flood of freezing water. All you can do is try to give people skills and hope they can put those together in a way that helps them stay safe."
"I'm here. But I'm retired." Retired from doing some of the things he was trying to do before, taking a step back. Letting those with more energy and more eyes do what they can. "I'm not old, but I'm not as good as I was. I can't keep up."
It's not that she doesn't recognize that there's something there. She does. It's not that she doesn't understand that it's necessary to be aware of limitations. It is.
But she's a survivor, and she's absolutely not capable of admitting defeat for the sake of defeat; she cannot stop fighting for anything less than being completely physically incapable of doing so, cannot let herself think of it as okay. It's not. Full stop.
So she snorts. "Please. That just means you get mean, not quit," she answers, stepping a bit wide of the trail to take a look at him.
He's shorter than her, but twice as broad, almost thrice; accustomed to being strong, accustomed to being able to match blow for blow and keep going, she'd wager. Something she's never been able to do. "If you want a vacation that's different, we get to have that here. Sometimes. But if not, it just means adapt."
She has a point. He might be older now but he isn't useless. He just needs to know his limits. He's not going to roll over and die, God no, but being an assassin is a young person's game. Climbing rooftops, working twenty hour days, running across London with broken ribs? That's not something he does so well anymore.
"I've been here two years. Or I had been. I know that's not as long as some. It's not a vacation. It's just a change. I'm not sure it's as hard a life as what you've had. But it's not a holiday."
Not physically, not emotionally.
"But you're right. You have to adapt to it. If you don't, you'll struggle, and they will pubish you if you don't meet your quota, if you don't get your contracts, if you're a bad dominant or a disobedient submissive."
She shrugs a bit - she agrees it's not exactly Disney world around here, and she would much rather be home where her people are, but she's in a good position even if part of that is down to her being assigned Dominant.
But she knows better than to argue with experience blindly. He's been here two years. She's been here barely three months. She could stand to shut her mouth and listen from time to time, even if she disagrees. Especially if she disagrees.
"I'm just saying..." She blows out a breath, not a sigh, but a placeholder. "Adapt. When you stop adapting, that's when life gets you." She looks over at him, dark eyes somber. "Don't let life get you."
He nods. "I'll try not to. I've kept one step in front of life and death-"
He pauses, because he didn't, did he? He snorts a soft, mirthless little laughing then waves the thought away. She can probably continue the rest in her own head.
"Trust me, I'm not about to let it all go arse-up. This place still needs me, people here still need me. I'm not about to make the same mistakes I did before."
He catches himself just as she raises an eyebrow, because no, he didn't. But he acknowledges it and she sees no reason to rub it in just now, so she lets it go.
"I don't trust," she says dismissively. Nothing against him, but she's learned better. "You got a system in mind for staying focused?"
"Not being twenty-three." He explains, and while it's a bit flippant, how do you explain to someone that you've lived for nearly twenty years in the most dangerous job in London, and you've not died yet? There's no set of guidance he can explain to her, not quickly and easily anyway. He can go through the spiel he does for trainees, but he can't actually do that either, because she's not from a world where it will make sense.
"I do. And you'll just have to not trust me on that."
She doesn't exactly roll her eyes at the response but she doesn't exactly not, either.
Still it's fair and she doesn't press. He doesn't actually owe her anything, even if he's operating under some kind of notion that he does; he hasn't asked her for anything.
"Well that's your business," she says, and shrugs. "But I do appreciate the apology, and I appreciate the view."
"I hope that I can show you I mean it," He says, in reply to the bit about the apology. "It's important to say it, but the words mean nothing if you don't back it up with action. I am not volunteering to be kidnapped again but... I've learnt a few things since then."
Its not been a long time for her of course, but for him it's been a lifetime.
"We should probably head back towards the city. We'll start loosing the light soon enough."
"I don't," she answers, but she smiles when she does because she's not rejecting it - she just hopes they're not in that position again, together or separate.
And then she's looking around again, less to scan for threats and more to consider the forest itself around them.
"You're probably right. But I think I'll keep going a while." He doesn't have to go with her, she means.
He pauses, looking out in the same dorection as her.
"It's a nice path. Just watch your footing- about a half mile on from here, it gets a lot more overgrown."
And then there's a brief moment of hesitation. He would let Evie go out on her own, wouldn't even spare a thought to it. And while this woman isn't an assassin, while Jacob has lost enough friends recently, he doesn't disrespect her but insisting she come back or he stay with her.
Instead he nods, trusting Rosita to know her own mind and her own ability.
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handleyourshit) wrote2032-07-23 01:51 pm
no subject
The world is just the world. It doesn't owe anyone anything, doesn't pull any punches for anyone. She catches his eye looking back at her and raises an eyebrow - what about it? - but it's not worth an argument as far as she's concerned. Ellie isn't here. No kids are. No cures are.
Just them. "What're the Eagle and the Arena?"
no subject
It's easier to talk about the other things, there's no lump in his throat.
"The Arena is a gym, of sorts. Mostly it's a place where we host fights and let people learn how to defend themselves. I manage it. The Eagle- that's my pub. Found it, cleaned it up, made it decent enough for people to enjoy going to. The joke was that it was going to be my retirement project." He grins at her as they walk, "I suppose now it can be."
no subject
She'll have to send Jesus to look into it. She eyes the grin, lets her eyes trace over his face, finding again the points where she can recognize the much younger man she met before.
Then she rolls her eyes. "Please, you're not retired. Still here, aren't you?"
no subject
He tries not to think of the students he's failed, but his smile does drop visibly and he looks away from her, through the trees.
"Here it's difficult to know what's coming. Kidnappers or dragons, a flood of freezing water. All you can do is try to give people skills and hope they can put those together in a way that helps them stay safe."
"I'm here. But I'm retired." Retired from doing some of the things he was trying to do before, taking a step back. Letting those with more energy and more eyes do what they can. "I'm not old, but I'm not as good as I was. I can't keep up."
Jack proved that.
no subject
But she's a survivor, and she's absolutely not capable of admitting defeat for the sake of defeat; she cannot stop fighting for anything less than being completely physically incapable of doing so, cannot let herself think of it as okay. It's not. Full stop.
So she snorts. "Please. That just means you get mean, not quit," she answers, stepping a bit wide of the trail to take a look at him.
He's shorter than her, but twice as broad, almost thrice; accustomed to being strong, accustomed to being able to match blow for blow and keep going, she'd wager. Something she's never been able to do. "If you want a vacation that's different, we get to have that here. Sometimes. But if not, it just means adapt."
no subject
"I've been here two years. Or I had been. I know that's not as long as some. It's not a vacation. It's just a change. I'm not sure it's as hard a life as what you've had. But it's not a holiday."
Not physically, not emotionally.
"But you're right. You have to adapt to it. If you don't, you'll struggle, and they will pubish you if you don't meet your quota, if you don't get your contracts, if you're a bad dominant or a disobedient submissive."
no subject
But she knows better than to argue with experience blindly. He's been here two years. She's been here barely three months. She could stand to shut her mouth and listen from time to time, even if she disagrees. Especially if she disagrees.
"I'm just saying..." She blows out a breath, not a sigh, but a placeholder. "Adapt. When you stop adapting, that's when life gets you." She looks over at him, dark eyes somber. "Don't let life get you."
no subject
He pauses, because he didn't, did he? He snorts a soft, mirthless little laughing then waves the thought away. She can probably continue the rest in her own head.
"Trust me, I'm not about to let it all go arse-up. This place still needs me, people here still need me. I'm not about to make the same mistakes I did before."
no subject
"I don't trust," she says dismissively. Nothing against him, but she's learned better. "You got a system in mind for staying focused?"
no subject
"I do. And you'll just have to not trust me on that."
no subject
Still it's fair and she doesn't press. He doesn't actually owe her anything, even if he's operating under some kind of notion that he does; he hasn't asked her for anything.
"Well that's your business," she says, and shrugs. "But I do appreciate the apology, and I appreciate the view."
no subject
Its not been a long time for her of course, but for him it's been a lifetime.
"We should probably head back towards the city. We'll start loosing the light soon enough."
no subject
And then she's looking around again, less to scan for threats and more to consider the forest itself around them.
"You're probably right. But I think I'll keep going a while." He doesn't have to go with her, she means.
no subject
"It's a nice path. Just watch your footing- about a half mile on from here, it gets a lot more overgrown."
And then there's a brief moment of hesitation. He would let Evie go out on her own, wouldn't even spare a thought to it. And while this woman isn't an assassin, while Jacob has lost enough friends recently, he doesn't disrespect her but insisting she come back or he stay with her.
Instead he nods, trusting Rosita to know her own mind and her own ability.
"Thank you for the walk. And the talk."