It's a problem she doesn't have a solution to - and one she chafes at, after years of being beholden to no one she doesn't care for unless she chooses to be.
"I'm just thinking we might have to adjust. Adapt to this place as it is." A beat. "After the shortest exit tunnel is secure, I want to shift K to something else for a while. Vrenille's working on portals for the rest."
"Where do you need help?" K will do it, Jesus knows. He'll do it without complaint, but Jesus wants it to be something K can enjoy. Something in the daylight, something around the plants.
The man puts in work out here. He showed up in the woods. That's enough for her when paired with the way Jesus goes stupid about him from time to time.
"I don't think he knows how much I want him around. Or that he's more than a workhorse around here." It's hard for K to get his head around being more than a machine, he thinks.
"Doesn't mean I think the needle should move from where it is any time soon. I don't want to put that on him until he's ready. We can talk about it then."
"I understand." And he thinks it's wise, to be cautious that way without cutting Carver out or pushing him away. "I like how you've handled everything that happened. I'm proud of you. It takes a lot of strength to give someone a second chance."
Rosita is not a woman that others could easily point to and say she needs approval; she doesn't. If she believes something is the right thing to do, she'll do it alone if she has to, even though she doesn't want things to be that way.
But it's nice. It makes her smile now, not the wide, delighted one when they're messing around or the thin, dry one reserved for sarcasm and strangers. Something softer, something only for those closest to her.
"I'm still just making it up as I go, and I don't know where we'll end up. It's not just up to me." And there are parts that are still hard if she lets herself think about it, but there's a lot that's been easier lately, too.
He likes that smile, likes what it means between the two of them and that after everything she's been through, that smile is still part of her.
"It's not. But I think he wants to end up in a good place with you. A happier place." He has mountains of evidence to support this, in case he sees any doubt in her.
And there is doubt. There are parts of her that can't bear to believe in such things as happy endings anymore, not without risking what little of it she's managed to scrape together for herself now.
"Maybe," she hedges. "As long as I don't get greedy."
"By the time I'm ready to make a big leap forward with people they've already grown tired of me." A small, sad smile. A shrug. He's used to it; it still hurts. "So I'm happy and they're ready to leave. Or they're happy and I'm not. I've never really had it line up to where we were both satisfied."
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It's a problem she doesn't have a solution to - and one she chafes at, after years of being beholden to no one she doesn't care for unless she chooses to be.
"I'm just thinking we might have to adjust. Adapt to this place as it is." A beat. "After the shortest exit tunnel is secure, I want to shift K to something else for a while. Vrenille's working on portals for the rest."
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"With you. Planting and harvesting, and when to do what."
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Which: "Are you going to invite him to stay here?"
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The man puts in work out here. He showed up in the woods. That's enough for her when paired with the way Jesus goes stupid about him from time to time.
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She's not sure which one is the problem at this point, Jesus not saying anything or K not understanding.
"If that doesn't work, use the rooms to show him."
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"Of course. I'd suggest the one between yours and Vrenille's, but, you know. He can pick any of the open ones."
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"Right where he left it."
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"Does he know it's still there?"
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She doesn't want to talk about this but she's also sick of people using that reticence to try and prove a point she's already well aware of.
"We've already talked about this. Nothing's changed."
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"He's doing better, I think."
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"Doesn't mean I think the needle should move from where it is any time soon. I don't want to put that on him until he's ready. We can talk about it then."
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But it's nice. It makes her smile now, not the wide, delighted one when they're messing around or the thin, dry one reserved for sarcasm and strangers. Something softer, something only for those closest to her.
"I'm still just making it up as I go, and I don't know where we'll end up. It's not just up to me." And there are parts that are still hard if she lets herself think about it, but there's a lot that's been easier lately, too.
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"It's not. But I think he wants to end up in a good place with you. A happier place." He has mountains of evidence to support this, in case he sees any doubt in her.
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"Maybe," she hedges. "As long as I don't get greedy."
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It's people, always people, lying to her when she finds a way to be.
"What is it for you?"
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Never before, or never still?
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cw: suicidal ideation, grief
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