"Is he?" she asks. She barely remembers K out in the woods, the quietest of the group by miles and someone who didn't make her have to consider him at all by complaining or falling behind.
"Or is he just as fucked up as everyone else right now with no idea how to cope with it?"
"J -". She stops, pressing her lips together, sitting with it for a moment. She doesn't rush.
"You and me aren't the same person. What's going on with you two isn't anything like what's going on with me. But I do know a thing or two about broken trust."
Intentionally broken or not, malicious or not, a lot of the time it feels the same. Worse even when it's not intentional, because it if it were at least there would be anger to push against.
"Right after we got out of alignment, last thing I wanted was Carver anywhere near me. If he'd have rolled up on me and tried to take my hand, I'd have probably hit him. By the time he was in my apartment, I knew more about what I didn't want than what I did. Everything was just too hard, and still is. But right as I was about to tell him to get out, or maybe just leave myself, you know what he did?"
He shakes his head. He has no idea how Carver has managed to convince Rosita to keep trying with him. He's glad that it has worked, whatever it is, though.
"You remember two summers ago, when you kept talking Siddiq into staying just one week longer?" They hadn't been talking for about a year before that, and Rosita had shown up and dragged him back to Alexandria.
"I was sure you were angling to keep him permanently."
"Well." A pause. "Not permanently, we all needed a doctor. But I like him. It was nice having someone around who agreed with most of my ideas for a change."
"Yes, but I still wanted to pull your teeth out through your nose," she says.
But she can also admit: "It wasn't all you. There was a lot of shit going on. A section of wall we were fixing had collapsed and killed three people, half our corn crop had parasites and we were working to save the rest, and Red had a heart attack in his sleep and bit Tyson and Mo before we knew it."
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handleyourshit) wrote2032-07-23 01:51 pm
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"Or is he just as fucked up as everyone else right now with no idea how to cope with it?"
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"I mean it. The hot tub is amazing, and it will always run. I installed the well pump generator myself."
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"Fine but I still expect you to come around."
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She can and will bathe in the titular creek but she'd prefer not to, thanks.
"You need to leave a sock or something on the door though, or your boyfriend is going to be really embarrassed."
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"Maybe he just needs an invitation."
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"You and me aren't the same person. What's going on with you two isn't anything like what's going on with me. But I do know a thing or two about broken trust."
Intentionally broken or not, malicious or not, a lot of the time it feels the same. Worse even when it's not intentional, because it if it were at least there would be anger to push against.
"Right after we got out of alignment, last thing I wanted was Carver anywhere near me. If he'd have rolled up on me and tried to take my hand, I'd have probably hit him. By the time he was in my apartment, I knew more about what I didn't want than what I did. Everything was just too hard, and still is. But right as I was about to tell him to get out, or maybe just leave myself, you know what he did?"
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It's not his exact words but without painting a whole irrelevant picture it's close enough.
"Didn't beg, didn't guilt me, didn't even say anything again after that. Just said come back, said please, and then left it with me."
She sighs, rubbing the corner of her eye.
"Sometimes people just need to hear that you still want them close, even if you think they already know, or that maybe they don't care."
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"I'll try. I don't want to lose him, it just seemed... Inevitable. But it's not. For either of us."
He hopes.
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"You made a mistake, and you're owning it. If that's not good enough for him, maybe he's not good enough for you."
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"I'm not used to being forgiven. I don't know if I'll know it if it happens."
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"How do you know with me?"
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"How do you know before we get to this point?"
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"You remember two summers ago, when you kept talking Siddiq into staying just one week longer?" They hadn't been talking for about a year before that, and Rosita had shown up and dragged him back to Alexandria.
"I was sure you were angling to keep him permanently."
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But she can also admit: "It wasn't all you. There was a lot of shit going on. A section of wall we were fixing had collapsed and killed three people, half our corn crop had parasites and we were working to save the rest, and Red had a heart attack in his sleep and bit Tyson and Mo before we knew it."
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She folds her arms across herself and curls closer, eyes closed.
"This is nice."
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