"J -". She stops, pressing her lips together, sitting with it for a moment. She doesn't rush.
"You and me aren't the same person. What's going on with you two isn't anything like what's going on with me. But I do know a thing or two about broken trust."
Intentionally broken or not, malicious or not, a lot of the time it feels the same. Worse even when it's not intentional, because it if it were at least there would be anger to push against.
"Right after we got out of alignment, last thing I wanted was Carver anywhere near me. If he'd have rolled up on me and tried to take my hand, I'd have probably hit him. By the time he was in my apartment, I knew more about what I didn't want than what I did. Everything was just too hard, and still is. But right as I was about to tell him to get out, or maybe just leave myself, you know what he did?"
He shakes his head. He has no idea how Carver has managed to convince Rosita to keep trying with him. He's glad that it has worked, whatever it is, though.
"You remember two summers ago, when you kept talking Siddiq into staying just one week longer?" They hadn't been talking for about a year before that, and Rosita had shown up and dragged him back to Alexandria.
"I was sure you were angling to keep him permanently."
"Well." A pause. "Not permanently, we all needed a doctor. But I like him. It was nice having someone around who agreed with most of my ideas for a change."
"Yes, but I still wanted to pull your teeth out through your nose," she says.
But she can also admit: "It wasn't all you. There was a lot of shit going on. A section of wall we were fixing had collapsed and killed three people, half our corn crop had parasites and we were working to save the rest, and Red had a heart attack in his sleep and bit Tyson and Mo before we knew it."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 07:45 pm (UTC)From:"Maybe he just needs an invitation."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 07:47 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 07:56 pm (UTC)From:"You and me aren't the same person. What's going on with you two isn't anything like what's going on with me. But I do know a thing or two about broken trust."
Intentionally broken or not, malicious or not, a lot of the time it feels the same. Worse even when it's not intentional, because it if it were at least there would be anger to push against.
"Right after we got out of alignment, last thing I wanted was Carver anywhere near me. If he'd have rolled up on me and tried to take my hand, I'd have probably hit him. By the time he was in my apartment, I knew more about what I didn't want than what I did. Everything was just too hard, and still is. But right as I was about to tell him to get out, or maybe just leave myself, you know what he did?"
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 07:58 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 08:07 pm (UTC)From:It's not his exact words but without painting a whole irrelevant picture it's close enough.
"Didn't beg, didn't guilt me, didn't even say anything again after that. Just said come back, said please, and then left it with me."
She sighs, rubbing the corner of her eye.
"Sometimes people just need to hear that you still want them close, even if you think they already know, or that maybe they don't care."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 08:15 pm (UTC)From:"I'll try. I don't want to lose him, it just seemed... Inevitable. But it's not. For either of us."
He hopes.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 08:23 pm (UTC)From:"You made a mistake, and you're owning it. If that's not good enough for him, maybe he's not good enough for you."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 09:47 pm (UTC)From:"I'm not used to being forgiven. I don't know if I'll know it if it happens."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 09:56 pm (UTC)From:"How do you know with me?"
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 10:39 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 10:42 pm (UTC)From:"How do you know before we get to this point?"
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 11:36 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 11:39 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 03:28 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 03:43 pm (UTC)From:"You remember two summers ago, when you kept talking Siddiq into staying just one week longer?" They hadn't been talking for about a year before that, and Rosita had shown up and dragged him back to Alexandria.
"I was sure you were angling to keep him permanently."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 03:47 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 03:54 pm (UTC)From:But she can also admit: "It wasn't all you. There was a lot of shit going on. A section of wall we were fixing had collapsed and killed three people, half our corn crop had parasites and we were working to save the rest, and Red had a heart attack in his sleep and bit Tyson and Mo before we knew it."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 03:59 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 04:06 pm (UTC)From:She folds her arms across herself and curls closer, eyes closed.
"This is nice."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 04:08 pm (UTC)From:"I'm going to like having you so close by. I liked my old apartment but I felt so disconnected from everyone. I feel more at home here."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 09:27 pm (UTC)From:"You can technically keep both, I think. Jacob had this place and the Manor when he was with Vrenille. But I wanted you to have this option."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 10:27 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 03:56 pm (UTC)From:She rests her temple on his shoulder, eyes still closed.
"I still have a list for Creekside, but - I want to at least tint those fucking windows."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 06:08 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 08:30 pm (UTC)From:"Or maybe spelled to look like solid walls. All three."
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