We've got people left here, she says, and he smiles, something in him settling down warm in his chest. That's all he wants: for them to have their people. For it to be a them, without a division between Jesus's and hers.
He's so proud of his friends, his men, who came when he needed them, who proved to her that they are everything Jesus saw in them. That they're welcome here in this thing he and Rosita need to build together.
"I still don't know how to run a bar," he warns her. "I might ruin the Eagle."
She's not quite there yet; the people she has here, that she counts as hers, are on this couch. There are people here she'd still fight for of course, but only Jesus that she really, truly believes would fight for her in turn.
But she does have him, and he has his men that rallied around him, and she's content with that for now. She snorts at the mention of the Eagle.
"Maybe Sara can help you. Or Vrenille. We don't need to hang onto it for long, just until we can decide what to do with it and make sure we know what all's going on there. Make sure there's nothing I need to honor for him before it comes around to bite us."
"I'll make sure anything illegal doesn't get near you," he says softly. That's his biggest concern: that something Jacob was involved in will come around on Rosita, will lose her job or much, much worse.
"Yeah. It's still sharing a little bit of the old world though. Your old world." Which is an intimacy for people like them. "You should go all out. Have fun."
"I used to be a party girl. Didn't matter what kind of party - fiestas, rodeos, barbecues, clubs, I loved 'em all. Dallas was a good mix for that. Lots of cowboys, mestizos, soldiers, street racers. All of 'em."
"He matters to you. You know where the line is with him now...you know what you can't rely on him for." As painful as that is, few people get to see those boundaries in real time.
He looks at her steadily. "You're allowed to be hurt. See how it goes. You're never going to get anywhere but where you two are at right now if you don't try, and clearly neither of you like where things are at right now."
"Is that advice you'd be happy to take yourself?" she wonders.
"If you cared more about someone than they do about you, and knowing that pisses you off and tears you up every time you think about it, would you keep going around them just to see what good could be salvaged knowing they'll always be more important to you than you are to them?"
"I have had to take it. It hurts. It keeps hurting. But for me it was better than just losing them completely." He has no idea if that will be true for her or Carver. There are no good options here.
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Date: 2023-04-23 07:37 pm (UTC)From:He's so proud of his friends, his men, who came when he needed them, who proved to her that they are everything Jesus saw in them. That they're welcome here in this thing he and Rosita need to build together.
"I still don't know how to run a bar," he warns her. "I might ruin the Eagle."
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Date: 2023-04-23 07:44 pm (UTC)From:But she does have him, and he has his men that rallied around him, and she's content with that for now. She snorts at the mention of the Eagle.
"Maybe Sara can help you. Or Vrenille. We don't need to hang onto it for long, just until we can decide what to do with it and make sure we know what all's going on there. Make sure there's nothing I need to honor for him before it comes around to bite us."
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Date: 2023-04-23 07:51 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 08:04 pm (UTC)From:"I wish he'd just been more willing to put things on the table. To ask for help. Which, I know, is rich coming from me."
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Date: 2023-04-23 08:11 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 08:19 pm (UTC)From:"I sent Carver a birthday cake. I apologized for ghosting him."
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Date: 2023-04-23 08:26 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 08:58 pm (UTC)From:"I figured he might. He - we were both pretty rough. The night before."
Of course, Jesus knows that. He found her crying in her kitchen.
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:00 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 09:07 pm (UTC)From:She'd had some doubt. She still has some doubt, and she doesn't know what it'll take to dispel it.
"We have... a date." That's what it is, after all, even if neither of them called it that. "Tomorrow night. Just getting a drink."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:08 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 09:11 pm (UTC)From:He said he knew he was inviting her to a western bar. But mostly: "He said it's pretty quiet, mid-week."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:15 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 09:17 pm (UTC)From:"I didn't pick it. He did."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:21 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 09:24 pm (UTC)From:"I used to be a party girl. Didn't matter what kind of party - fiestas, rodeos, barbecues, clubs, I loved 'em all. Dallas was a good mix for that. Lots of cowboys, mestizos, soldiers, street racers. All of 'em."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:31 pm (UTC)From:"Might be nice to have a night out like that again."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:42 pm (UTC)From:She's gone to bars and clubs here, she's invited herself to parties when she needed to not think about other things.
"It's how I get through quota here, too. Doesn't matter. Have some fun, move on."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:45 pm (UTC)From:"You can still have fun with him."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:47 pm (UTC)From:"But I'm a bitch, J. I know how I swing when I'm hurt. And I know how easily I let that happen."
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Date: 2023-04-23 09:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 09:53 pm (UTC)From:"If you cared more about someone than they do about you, and knowing that pisses you off and tears you up every time you think about it, would you keep going around them just to see what good could be salvaged knowing they'll always be more important to you than you are to them?"
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Date: 2023-04-23 10:13 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 10:27 pm (UTC)From:"But having someone as an ally and going on a date with them are two completely different things. You don't see me asking Ezekiel out for a drink."
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Date: 2023-04-23 10:30 pm (UTC)From:(no subject)
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